Week 9 Recap

Just when I think that things couldn’t possibly get any tighter, that’s precisely what happens.

Teams ranked #2 - #10 are now all separated by ONE victory. Think about that. ONE victory. The team with the second most victories has 5. The team with the fewest has 4. That is nothing short of astounding!

For this week’s newsletter, I’m going to revert back to our Glory Days with the always-popular Players of the Week/Weak feature. Enjoy.

Players of the Week

QB – Philip Rivers (30 points)
Upon hearing that B was shopping him as trade bait, Rivers responded with a powerhouse performance and a quote from Ivan Drago: “I win for me. FOR ME!”

RB – Peyton Hillis (33 points)
Who is this guy, you ask? The answer is straightforward: Saber’s best player.

RB – Arian Foster (31 points)
In related news, B left me the following voicemail on Sunday night: “Boogie, do you think Arian would be a good name for a baby girl?”

WR – Terrell Owens (26 points)
Boogie had a comfortable 26-point lead over CCD going into Monday night, which explains why all day Tuesday Boogie refuse to include the letters “T” and “O” in any of his communications.

WR – Seyi Ajirotutu (23 points)
Who?!?! If ‘tutu puts up 23 points again, I’ll wear a tutu to my wedding.

WR – James Jones (18 points)
This guy epitomizes TP’s squad this year. Because at the end of the day, nobody really thinks he’s going to keep putting up these type of numbers, do they?

TE – Jacob Tamme (16 points)
If someone asked me if “Jacob Tamme” was an NFL player or a coworker of mine who I hadn’t met yet, I’d probably guess the latter.

K – Sebastian Janikowski (11 points)
Did anyone else miss the fact that David Wells changed his name and is now a placekicker for the Raiders?

Players of the Weak

QB – Matt Schaub (13 points)
Did anyone else miss the fact that Mark Warder changed his name and is now a quarterback for the Texans?

RB – Ricky Williams (0 points)
Why did the chicken cross the road? To show Ricky Williams what it was like to gain 10 yards.

RB – BenJarvus Green-Ellis (1 point)
If I was confused as to whether my first name was actually Ben or Jarvus, I’d probably be a bit distracted, too.

WR – Austin Collie (1 point)
Somewhere, Wayne Chrebet and Tom Waddle are shaking their heads in disappointment.

WR – Darrius Heyward-Bey (1 point)
Did anyone else miss the fact that Craig “Ironhead” Heyward changed his first name and is now a wide receiver for the Raiders?

WR – Miles Austin (1 point)
Knock knock. Who’s there? Miles Austin. Miles Austin who? Good point.

TE – Todd Heap (2 points)
Heap certainly played like a heap all right. A heap of you know what.

K – Stephen Gostkowski (1 point)
Kav has always had a thing for girls with nice legs; apparently he also has a thing for guys with bad legs.