A Window into First Place

Have you ever wondered what it takes to make it to the top? We here at the Commissioner's Office decided to find out, so we asked Swanny's wife to give us a glimpse of how her husband prepares for Game Day. Here's what she wrote:

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Sunday mornings, for many, include a trip to church and lunch with family. Not so much in the Swanson household. The schedule instead you ask? 1. Wake up. 2. Turn on ESPN IMMEDIATELY while cooking/eating breakfast to see if any of the players on the fantasy football team “Morehead Please” are injured, in jail, or otherwise. 3. Once he has established that they are all still viable to play, he goes online to read the online fantasy football reports about who is playing who and about offense and defenses (this often starts Saturday night). He also visits other necessary sites to decide which players in each spot should “start.” 4. Consult with wife and talk incessantly about hard to make decisions on which player to play. He often doesn’t care if he is talking to his wife, the dog, or his 17 month old daughter, as long as they have ears and can acknowledge that he is speaking. 5. Stare at the laptop screen until the very last minute of possible changes can be made and figure out what time what games are being played and on which channels. 6. Talk incessantly about if he made the right calls on who to start and who to bench. 7. Wait for the games to start. He often spends this time playing with his daughter. (This past week Greg’s wife offered to go with him to Menards to get some things for the house and go out to lunch. Greg kindly offered to stay home with his daughter and allow his wife some “alone time” while shopping. So kind of him, don’t you think?!?! Even a bribe of sex after the games were over didn’t sway his decision to visit Menards?!?! Huh?!?! Talk about an insult or an addiction problem! J) 8. Once the games have started, he can be found with laptop on his lap, remote in close vicinity to hand. If his wife requests help with a certain task, Greg will do it, but he wastes no time getting to and from the task. The man can be a laundry folding machine if the clean laundry is brought to him in the living room to fold while watching the games. 9. This is where the variation in the schedule occurs. A. If he is winning, he tells his wife and whoever will listen that he is “winning his fantasy football game” over and OVER AND OVER AGAIN. B. if he is losing, his wife will remind him that he is “losing his fantasy football game” over and OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

One Sunday afternoon, Greg had to meet his cousins (he hadn’t seen in YEARS) and family for lunch. Fortunately, the laptop stayed home, but the Apple iPhone came with. His wife had to hold it all the way to the restaurant (because Greg was driving) and to constantly refresh to see what points had occurred and announce when it happened, how many points, and who. At the restaurant, the phone sat conveniently on the table. Greg constantly hit refresh while trying to have a conversation with his cousins. I bet he can’t tell you what one of the conversations was about?!?!

This Sunday afternoon ritual often continues to be the scene until it is the last minute possible for Greg to run out the door to open the Gym for open gym mens basketball. If a super important game is to be played on TV, Greg has talked about getting a sub to open the gym or just cancelling the night all together. Monday night football is not AS BAD as Sundays, but Greg can be found perched in his chair, laptop in hand.

Some facts to know:
1. Greg has reminded his wife that he didn’t spend his whole budget at the draft.
2. Greg has reminded his wife that he doesn’t LIKE fantasy football and it was HER idea to PUSH him into the league with Sabes, so it is HER fault that he spends Sunday and Monday nights in front of the TV.
3. Greg has reminded his wife that he had only one loss up to last week and it was due to his superior coaching skills, not his superior players. (Don’t forget that he didn’t spend his whole budget at the fantasy football draft.)
4. Greg’s wife believes there should be a support group started for Fantasy Football Addicts and their families.
5. Greg’s wife, who loves HOCKEY, NOT FOOTBALL, can now name many players in the NFL , their teams, positions, current injuries and/or issues with the law. All information that will get her to excel in her life as a teacher and mother.


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Clearly, success takes a lot of dedication. Enjoy the weekend, fellas!